Picking Up the Pieces (Summer, 2017)
by Psyched
Summary: This is a story in four (oops, now five!) parts about the way Kensi and Deeks have tried to pick up the pieces, and help Sam and his family to do the same, since the finale. Two parts have been posted elsewhere already and two (make that three) have not been seen before.
1. Part I - Happier

**Part I - Happier**

 **AN** : This is a continuation of where we left off with Deeks and Kensi at the end of Unleashed (8x24). Since the episode aired, I've been thinking about a somewhat light-hearted little story in which Kensi and Deeks tell everyone about their engagement in the days after. I even had handwritten notes for it. When I sat down to write it, notes at my side, this is what came out. I have no idea what the hell happened.

This was posted last week on wikiDeeks (though one sentence has been changed). Part II should be up this weekend.

* * *

If such a place truly existed, Tahir Khaled was already burning in hell. He deserved an eternity of suffering for what he'd done to Michelle Hanna, and by extension Sam, Aiden, and Kamran. The thoughts marched, unwanted, to the forefront of Deeks' mind as he kneeled on the ground with Kensi, his hands cupping her face, their first betrothed kiss still fresh on their lips.

There was nothing more to do at the scene of the bus explosion. No other agencies to notify. No one else who needed a statement. No more proposals to accept.

Deeks was anxious to go home.

He could admit there was something so _them_ about becoming engaged wearing tactical gear in the immediate aftermath of a hellish case. But not this case. This place, even though it was where he just promised to marry the woman he loved more than life, felt wrong. This moment, despite the sun-rivaling brightness of Kensi's smile, felt…off. The excitement and joy and all the goodness he'd experienced seconds ago were being snuffed out quickly by the storm clouds that were now taking up residence in his head and his heart.

Standing up, Deeks helped pull his brand-new fiancée to her feet. He bent over to brush the debris off the knees of her jeans, then smacked his own clean. Taking Kensi in his arms once more, he held her close, surveying the devastation around them for several heartbeats. The shards of glass and metal, the carcass of the bus, the smell of explosives and burning rubber. It would all be gone by tomorrow, as if it never happened.

But the devastation to Sam's life would take much longer to heal, if it ever did. Deeks couldn't even fathom what their friend was feeling right now. Devastation seemed like a perfect word, and yet he suspected it didn't even come close. He shut his eyes and swallowed hard, trying to keep from imagining the pain he would be in had it been Kensi instead of Michelle. It didn't work.

He'd come frighteningly close, more than once, to losing her this past year. Deeks could still remember the worst of it with painful clarity. Waking up after the helicopter crash to find her missing. Discovering her trapped under the chopper and repeatedly failing to free her. Sitting by her bedside every day for weeks on end, praying for her to wake up. Being unable to convince her that she would fully recover. Then later, listening and watching as she was abducted by a madman with a grudge. And crashing through a door to see him holding an electric saw to Kensi's throat.

Yet all the worry and heartache Deeks recalled had already paled some, pushed to the furthest recesses of his mind and replaced by memories of the better times that followed. Like the moment Kensi woke up. The first steps she took toward him. The fingers of her left hand threading through his as part of her therapy. Being out in the field with her again. Making love and not being afraid she'd break. Hearing how she'd all but taken down the psycho CIA agent on her own before his accomplices had arrived. And mere minutes ago, Kensi, on her knee, asking him to marry her and him saying, "Yes, absolutely. What the hell, yes."

They were engaged. And he should be happier about it.

He and Kensi had just taken the next step toward living their lives as fearlessly as they knew how, and Sam was on the way to see his wife in the morgue.

It may not have been the way he'd wanted it, and the timing certainly wouldn't have been Deeks' first choice. But as he told Kensi when he'd proposed to her comatose form, sometimes life doesn't work the way you planned it, so you adapt. And that she did, by detonating a flashbang to offer him a ring. More bang than bling, without a doubt, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

So Deeks would adapt again too. He would allow the now small seed of joy that was being quashed by this train of thoughts to take over his heart and win the battle with the regret that was stubbornly refusing to let go. Regret for what they didn't do soon enough to save Michelle. For what Sam, Aiden, and Kamran had lost and could never regain.

Unlinking his hands from the small of Kensi's back, Deeks moved them to her face again. He allowed himself to find his tranquility in her eyes and began to get swept up in the delight he saw there. The much-needed yin to his yang, for the moment.

Kensi lifted her hand to his and tugged gently on his makeshift engagement ring. "I know the timing was lousy, Deeks, but talking to Nell it suddenly became so clear that there was no reason to wait, and every reason to –"

"No, you were right." Deeks knew it, in his head. But he wanted to believe it in his heart too. And he didn't need words for that. What he had intended to be a brief press of their lips turned into a much longer kiss. Deeks found the happiness he was seeking there, in the warmth of Kensi's breath, the strength of her arms as they snaked around him, and the exquisite sensation of her body fitting against his.

He absorbed the love Kensi had for him, the gift she kept offering but he didn't let himself take without doubt often enough. Today, right now, Deeks not only accepted it, but he reveled in it. He let it fuel the bliss that was still fighting, but finally beating back, the remorse.

When their kiss ended, Deeks touched his forehead to Kensi's and drew in the intoxicating scents of sunshine and gunpowder. They helped to settle his previously uneasy mind, where he now imagined the not-too-distant future. He and Kensi would have what Sam and Michelle had; a strong marriage and happy, healthy children.

As Kensi said, life is short, and Deeks would not take it for granted. Michelle's death would always be a bittersweet reminder of what they had and how easily they could lose it.

No longer two different sides of the same coin, Deeks was at peace with the decisions they had made, and the results of the past few days. Kensi's perfect smile and the promise it held provided him with the last of the assurances he needed. He was home.

They were engaged. And he couldn't be happier about it.


	2. Part II - Telling the World

**Part II - Telling the World**

 **AN** : We knew we were never going to see this on the show, so now you know how almost everyone finds out Deeks and Kensi got engaged (this is what I was trying to write when Part I intruded, by the way, and starts just a few minutes after that ends). The title is borrowed from the Taio Cruz song of the same name from the "Rio" soundtrack.

Part III should be up midweek.

* * *

"Ready to go home?" Deeks asked as they sat in the car, eyeing members of the FBI, EMT, LAFD, and LAPD, meandering around like drunk ants in an initialism army.

"I don't know," Kensi said from behind the steering wheel, the engine yet to be started. Thrilled as she was that she'd just proposed to Deeks and he'd said yes – not a certainty by any means given that she hadn't accepted either of his proposals that she'd been awake for – Kensi felt reality settling back in. The fact that Michelle was dead, Sam was a widower, and their children were motherless hit her once more.

As did the fact that she'd impulsively asked Deeks to marry her in the middle of what looked like a war zone, when she knew he'd been looking for the perfect place and time and way to do it himself. _What was I thinking?_ She hadn't been, she knew. She'd been _feeling_ , and while she didn't regret the result, she wondered if she should have waited until tonight, when she could have dropped some hints that Deeks should do the honors before she did.

Realizing Deeks was expecting her to offer an alternate destination and that she's been quiet for too long, Kensi shook herself out of her thoughts and said, "If we're smart, we'd head back to the mission and get the after-action reports done while everything's still fresh in our minds."

"You think we're going to forget anything about the past forty-eight hours?" Deeks asked doubtfully.

Kensi sighed. "No. Probably not."

"Do you really want to go into work? I mean, we can, but I'm thinking we can do something much better than paperwork." Deeks recognized the emotion in Kensi's voice and deduced that she was experiencing many of the same thoughts he had a few minutes ago.

"Like sparring? I don't think I'd be able to pull my punches after the last couple of days. You'd have to gear up."

That Kensi's mind went straight to hitting something and not where he was trying to lead her confirmed his suspicion. "Yeah, no. Wonderful as it sounds to be the personal punching bag of Bad-Ass Blye today, I was talking about this," he held up his left hand, the oversized flashbang pull ring still dangling from his finger. "If we go to the mission, we can tell everyone about how you just begged me to marry you."

He flashed a grin then turned serious as he took Kensi's hand in his. "I'd be okay with it if you want to wait a little while, though, give everyone the chance to start grieving Michelle." After his moments of…he wouldn't call it doubt, as there was no doubt he wanted to marry Kensi…whatever it was just a little while ago, Deeks wanted nothing more than to share the news with their friends and family, and he believed it would ease Kensi's now-heavy heart as well. But their feelings weren't the only ones to consider at the moment.

"Well, since Nell knows, anyone who's still there when she gets back to the mission will find out soon enough."

"Wait, what? How the hell does Nellosaurus know already? Is there some kind of extrasensory bell that rings every time a woman gets engaged? Or is it a hormone thing?"

"I'm going to forget that you said any of that and point out that I was talking to Nell just before I proposed, oh observant one. She saw the whole thing. Gave me a big okay sign and a thumbs-up right after, so I think she approves of my choice of husband."

"Husband. Wow, I hadn't really thought of myself that way until just now. I've been thinking about you as my fiancée and ultimately my wife, but not the other way around. It's pretty cool, though." He quickly glanced beyond the windows of the car, "Is Nell still here? Never mind. Text her, tell her not to say anything to Beale, or anyone else for that matter. Eric and I will probably both end up at Sulk Beach tomorrow morning. I want to tell him myself that I'm going to be Mr. Kensi Blye."

"Sulk Beach?"

"What we call the beach we go to when we need to really concentrate on the surfing and not our problems. Because if you don't, you get battered by the waves and the rocky bottom, which further adds to your misery."

"Sounds fun."

"He ran into me there a bunch of times when you were in Afghanistan. And once or twice while you were in rehab. I think we'll both need the distraction tomorrow."

"So…we're not heading to the mission now?"

"To do paperwork? Hell no. Let's head home, maybe stop at your mom's on the way?"

"Okay. We should probably tell her about Michelle first, then us. Same goes with your mom."

"Let's see how things go with Julia," Deeks hedged.

* * *

The visit with her mother that evening went pretty much as Kensi had anticipated. When they showed up unannounced at her door, Julia breathed a sigh of relief to see them both there. Her mother had once confided to Kensi that her worst fear was having one or the other of them arrive without warning, knowing what news would likely follow.

Kensi understood. Growing up with a Marine father, she knew her mother used to live with the low-level but ever-present worry that the next time the doorbell rang, she would open it to find a chaplain and a casualty assistance officer. She felt badly that she hadn't called her mother in advance, but Kensi's thoughts had been sidetracked by concern for Aiden and Kamran. Kensi had wondered if she should try to speak with them, since she knew all too well some of what they would be feeling right now.

They didn't let the reprieve last too long, however. Soon after they accepted Julia's offer of something to drink, Kensi prepared her mother for the sadness to come. They broke the news, not sharing too many details, but enough that she understood Michelle's death was a result of their jobs.

Julia cried quietly for a time. When she collected herself, she said, "That lovely woman. Sam must be heartbroken. And their poor, poor children. I just can't believe this. How awful."

Kensi sat next to her mother on a living room couch, holding her hand and providing whatever comfort she could. Deeks was on a chair nearby, looking pained for both of them.

"Is there anything we can do? Do they need help with the arrangements? Should we offer to stay with the children?"

"I don't think so. At least not now. Sam wants to be with the kids for a little while, and I'm sure his and Michelle's folks will help with anything that needs to be done. But we'll tell Sam you're available too," Deeks assured her.

"So we don't know when the visitation or funeral will be? You'll let me know, won't you? I want to say goodbye to Michelle, and pay my respects to the rest of the family. She was such a kind, beautiful woman. She didn't deserve this." Julia looked at Kensi fiercely and gripped her hand tighter, "Did you get the monster who did this to her?"

"Yeah, Mom, he's dead."

"And we'll pass along the information as soon as we hear about the wake. You can come with us, if you want," Deeks said

Julia nodded at him, then quickly turned to Kensi. "You'll talk to them, won't you, Kensi? The kids? You know what they're going through, you can offer them…I don't know, a shoulder, an ear, the knowledge that someone close by understands, maybe?"

"I was just thinking about that on the way here, actually. If Sam's okay with it, I will. Probably sometime after the funeral, and once all the family that comes to town goes back home." Julia may have lived with knowledge that any day could bring the news of Don's death, but it wasn't something a young Kensi really worried about. Her father was a strong, brave, and smart U.S. Marine; he was invincible as far as she was concerned. She never doubted he would return home to her after every deployment. And he did.

As a result, it hurt even more and was just a little bit harder to bear when that notification came. When all he'd done was go out with friends. Kensi felt a familiar pressure in her chest at the thought that Kamran and Aiden were experiencing the same pain and suffering now. Considering that Michelle had been mostly out of the intelligence business for much of their lives, if they worried about losing a parent, it would have been their father they feared for, not their mother.

"That's a great idea, Kens. I'm sure Sam would appreciate it," Deeks said.

"Those babies must be hurting so much, I can't even imagine it." Julia started crying again, harder this time. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when your father died. I should have been. You shouldn't have had to be alone."

Pulling her mother into an embrace, Kensi assured her, "Mom, we've talked about this. It was a long time ago and we both made mistakes. I got through it, and I'll help Aiden and Kamran do the same if I can, I promise."

Kensi looked at Deeks over Julia's shoulder, unsure now if they should share their other news.

"Julia, Kensi and I have something else we want to tell you. You think you're up for it?" He offered her a soft smile.

She wiped new tears away as she parted from her daughter. "I don't know if I can handle any more bad news right now, honestly."

"It's actually good, Mom."

"That's it, Kensalina? Just good? I'd have gone with something more like all kinds of awesome, myself."

Julia looked up at him hopefully, "I could do with that kind of news, Marty. What is it?"

"Our girl here dropped down on bended knee today and practically demanded that I agree to marry her. And since I'm not nearly as picky as she is about the ring or the location, I said yes."

Eyes widening in surprise, Julia's hand went to her chest, "Really? You're engaged?"

Kensi nodded. "And I have a feeling I am never going to live down being the one to propose."

"Damned straight, my bride-to-be. What guy wouldn't tell the world that the woman of his dreams asked him to marry her? Especially when she's as gorgeous and kick-ass as you."

Kensi would have rolled her eyes, but Deeks' words were so sincere, she couldn't manage it. She didn't even try to keep the smile he loved from her face.

"This is just wonderful! I'm so excited for you both," Julia said as she drew her daughter in for another hug. When she pulled away, she looked at Kensi's left hand.

"Her ring's at home," Deeks explained. "But you should take a gander at mine," he held up his own extremity and waved his fingers

Julia embraced him before examining what Deeks was proudly showing off. "What is it, a key ring?"

"You don't want to know, Mom," Kensi said lightly. "Let's just say it was a spur of the moment proposal and I made do with what was available at the time."

* * *

Hetty had texted the team not to bother coming in the next day, so Kensi was reluctant to get up before dawn to accompany Deeks to TCs. Located just past the White Point Nature Preserve, it was a bit out of the way for a workday morning surf. But after she learned why he wanted to come to this particular beach, Kensi would never let him come here alone again if she could avoid it.

After a quick glance at the water she could tell the waves would be too much for her and was glad she left her board at home. While Kensi enjoyed surfing, she wasn't nearly as good or experienced as Deeks, and she knew her limits. She would be content to keep an eye on him and Beale if they wanted to be beaten up by mother nature.

Besides, she was wearing her engagement ring and didn't want to risk going into the ocean with it on.

At this hour of the morning in the middle of the week, Kensi was unsurprised the shore was nearly deserted. There were only a few surfers out on the water, and Deeks declared that none of them was Eric. Kensi settled herself on a towel, and Monty plopped down next to her.

She had debated bringing a book with her but decided against it, figuring she would and their pooch would take turns dozing while the boys surfed. Neither she nor Deeks had slept well last night, owing to being overtired after the two days they'd just had. Grief for Michelle, Sam, and the kids and excitement over their own engagement were enough to make them restless, even in sleep.

After leaving her mother's house, they stopped for take-out but weren't in the mood to eat when they got home. Instead, they showered, made love, and laid in bed holding each other until they drifted off. Their lovemaking had been more tender and comforting than passionate and celebratory, nothing like Kensi had thought it would be given that they had just gotten engaged. But the specter of Michelle's death had been difficult to shed.

 _Kensi woke in the middle of the night, famished and still somewhat conflicted, and was making her way through her lo mein at the counter when Deeks walked into the kitchen._

 _He poked his chopsticks in the carton and shoved a bunch of noodles in his mouth before she thought to warn him that they were still cold. After he swallowed with a disgusted look on his face, Deeks said, "Gross, Kens. Why didn't you heat it up?"_

 _She shrugged, "I don't mind cold Chinese. Plus I didn't want to wake you with the smell. Or the noise."_

" _You just didn't want to cook, even if all it entailed was punching a few buttons on the microwave."_

 _Kensi stuck her tongue out at him._

" _Now, now. Be nice, princess, or I won't give you your surprise."_

" _What kind of surprise can you possibly have for me at…" She checked the time on the neglected appliance, "Two forty-one in the morning?"_

 _Deeks took the food from her hand and walked them into the living room, sitting on the couch and pulling her onto his lap. A small light was on above the sink in the kitchen, but that barely touched them. Instead, the room was bathed in the soft glow of the streetlamps coming through the windows._

" _I know this isn't the beach, and we're way past sunset, and I'm not on my knee. But you kind of stole my thunder and my line with your proposal, so I think we're beyond that anyway." He took the ring out of his pajama pocket picked up her hand. "What I am going to do is put this ring on your finger while you're conscious and tell you how much I love you, and how happy and lucky I am to have you in my life, both as my partner and now as my fiancée."_

 _As he slid the thin band in place, Kensi's eyes filled. "I love you too." She kissed him softly, but Deeks wrapped both arms around her and deepened the kiss._

 _When they broke for air, Kensi said, "I'm sorry for stepping all over your proposal. You were probably planning some incredibly romantic surprise and I gave you a flashbang pull ring, literally in the middle of the street. It's just…after putting you off twice, expecting the perfect time or place, or whatever it was I thought I wanted, it hit me: what hell was I waiting for?"_

" _At least I'll be the talk of the LAPD for something good for a change," he quipped. "Look, maybe it wasn't me on the white horse with the rose petals –"_

" _Shirtless, I think you said."_

" _So you were paying attention. I wasn't sure at the time, since you were more intent on beating up your wheelchair than listening to me. But the point I was trying to make then, and is also relevant now, is that the details don't matter, baby. We love each other and we're going to spend the rest of our lives together. That's what's important."_

 _Kensi smiled and nodded her head, grateful for the reminder. "You're right."_

" _Wait, what? What did you just say?" Deeks looked around, "Where's my phone? Can you say that again? I need to get it on record, maybe make it my ringtone. Hang on," he stood, Kensi cradled in his arms, and carried her into the bedroom._

" _Really, Deeks? We were just having a moment."_

 _Laying her on the bed and stretching out beside her, his tone was serious. "I promised you more of them, and I mean to deliver. I got millions of moments, Kens. Just for you."_

" _Just for us," she whispered as she leaned in to kiss him again. This time when they made love, it was exactly the way Kensi thought it should be._

Deeks was waxing his board when he looked up beyond her and waved, pulling Kensi from her reverie. She didn't bother turning, who else would it have been but their tech operator? Kensi wasn't terribly surprised to hear Nell's voice as they came closer, and wondered if her friend had been successful in keeping their confidence.

She and Monty got up to greet them and one look at Beale's face told Kensi that he didn't have a clue. Eric gave her a big hug and whispered that he was glad she and Deeks were okay.

When they parted, Kensi tucked her left hand in her pocket as Eric said aloud, "Hetty and I watched the whole thing from ops. Sam and Callen had such a close call Hetty actually invited me down to her office for a drink after."

"Yeah? Did you even make it home? Because that stealthy little Chupacabra can drink anyone under the table. Did she at least cover you with that ugly, itchy blanket before she left you supine on the floor for the night?" Deeks asked, wanting to lighten the mood.

Eric laughed, "No. As excited as I was to be sharing an after-work drink with Hetty, turns out I don't like scotch. So I very politely took a few sips and then begged off and went home to crash."

"If by crash you mean you waited for Nell to join you so the two of you could pass out on your couch together, that's just too adorable," Deeks said.

"And amazingly like so many of our nights," Kensi added.

Nell, who could barely contain herself, said, "Alright you two, why don't you go do your surfing thing while Kensi and I…do whatever Kensi and I are going to do." She turned the brunette back toward her towel and spread her own out alongside it while the men prepped their boards.

"How are you guys doing?" Kensi asked after a minute or two of admiration for the view in front of them, which included both the water and the men.

The redhead was instantly on the verge of tears at the question. She didn't bother to try to stop them from spilling from her eyes. "It hit hard last night. As much as I wanted to be able to cry when all we could do was work, when I was finally able to let it all out, I really wanted that distraction again, you know?"

Kensi said, "I get it. We stopped by my mom's on the way home last night to tell her about Michelle. It was brutal. And we're going to visit Deeks' mom later today, assuming he remembered to find out when she'll be home."

"Did you also mention," Nell stopped to glance at the Eric and Deeks, who had finished waxing their boards and were now almost to the water, "your engagement?"

"Yeah, and it was good for that distraction you wanted, for all of us."

Watching the guys paddling out a few seconds later, Nell chuckled. "You have no idea how many times I almost spilled the beans last night. That secret was one of the toughest I've been asked to keep in a while," she lightly shoved Kensi's shoulder. "And that's saying something considering I know some of Hetty Lange's deepest and darkest."

Kensi smiled, "I'm impressed. And thanks for the effort. Deeks is really looking forward to telling Eric." She squinted at them, bobbing near enough on the water as they waited for a good wave that they could maintain a conversation. Based on the movement of Deeks' hands and Eric's head, it seemed that's exactly what they were doing. "You think he already did it?"

"Not a chance. We haven't heard Beale's excited shriek of delight yet," Nell said.

Discussion ceased as the friends watched their men enjoy themselves on a series of heavy waves. Kensi understood the skill, strength, and finesse it took to make surfing look effortless, and for a time she and Nell just sat back and appreciated the show. They both cringed a while later when Deeks wiped out in spectacular fashion. "Ouch," Kensi muttered.

Snapping out of her trance-like state, Nell remembered what she had been about to do when the guys diverted their attention. "Oh my god Kensi, I can't believe I didn't ask to see your ring yet. He did give you one, didn't he?"

Kensi smiled at the memory, "Yup, at two forty-one this morning, to be exact." She held out her hand to show off the two-diamond ring.

"It's beautiful," Nell gushed. "And untraditional. Is that in case you forget to take it off and need to explain it away? So it's not an obvious engagement ring?"

Kensi laughed, "He didn't say as much, but I wouldn't be surprised if that was part of the appeal too. Deeks actually told me he chose two stones to signify the two elements of our partnership; work and home."

"Aw, that's so romantic. Have you thought about a date yet?"

They chatted about possible locations, appropriate attire for a beach wedding, food options, and the best time of year to get married outdoors in California when a screech caught their attention.

Looking toward the sound, they were just in time to witness Eric grab Deeks' hand in a hearty shake, and then attempt to draw him further in for what Kensi was sure would have been a manly back-smacking embrace had they been on land. But since they were still on their boards, in the middle of the water, and Deeks didn't seem quite sure of Eric's intent, both men ended up falling into the ocean, where the ensuing hug almost ended up drowning them.

"I think Eric knows now," Kensi said dryly.

"And I'm betting Deeks is regretting his timing. Or at least the location."

Eric and Deeks climbed on their boards and paddled back to the shore. When they reached the sand, Eric handed his board off to Deeks and hurried toward them, unzipping and peeling down the top of his wetsuit as he approached.

"Uh-oh, Kens, I think he's coming for you," Nell warned.

Sure enough as the technical operator came closer, he was practically singing, "Kensi!"

She put her hands up to keep Eric at a safe distance, given that his bottom half was still wet, but it didn't matter. In his exuberance Beale must not have even noticed, or perhaps he misinterpreted the action, because he rushed right between her raised arms and wrapped Kensi in an enthusiastic, if cold and sodden hug.

"I'm so happy for you guys! Congratulations!" he gushed, rocking her body from side to side.

"Thanks Eric," Kensi laughed. "Once again, you might be more excited than even me and Deeks."

" _Now_ are you going to get a puppy? I mean, obviously the living together worked out well, like I knew it would. Oh! Or you could just skip the new dog and go right to little baby Densis! How awesome would that be? Monty would be a great older brother to a human puppy. And Nell and I could come over and babysit whenever you need, and –" the dog in question barked at the sound of his name.

"We'll be sure to keep that in mind when the time comes, man. But maybe let me and my ladybird work on spreading the word and getting married first," Deeks said as he approached the small group.

Nell threw her arms around Deeks, unconcerned about the water still dripping off the detective. "I saw you give Kensi a hard time at first, Shaggy. Don't know what you were thinking there, but I'm glad you finally came to your senses."

"What are you talking about?" Eric asked as he tossed Kensi her towel and started drying off with his own.

"I was there, and saw the whole thing. Kensi and I were talking when she excused herself and walked over to Deeks, took his hand, and got down on her knee."

"Don't forget I detonated that flashbang first. Had to have something to slide on my man's finger."

"Right! I swear I was tempted to march over there and beat the brains back into him, because all I saw next was Deeks shaking his head and trying to get Kensi to stand up."

"But my partner's got a hell of a grip and really good upper body strength, so that wasn't happening," Deeks said proudly as he slid his arm around Kensi's waist.

"Deeks finally gave up and knelt down in front of Kensi and before you know it, he's nodding his head yes and they're hugging, and Kensi, you looked so happy and beautiful." The analyst embraced her friend, crying tears of joy this time.

"What? How could you not tell me?" Eric's question was practically a whine.

"Sorry, Beale, that's on us. I had Kensi swear Velma to secrecy because I wanted to give you the good news myself," Deeks explained.

Nell continued, "And it was all I could think about last night, when I wasn't thinking about Michelle, and Sam and the kids. I really did want to tell you, but I promised."

"I have to say, I think it was worth the wait. We got to watch two normally graceful surfers fall all over each other and into the water. My only regret is that I didn't have my phone ready to record the moment," Kensi said. "Though Callen and Sam might get jealous at what looks like a level-four bromance blossoming between the two of you," she joked before remembering what Sam was now suffering.

Changing the topic, Nell suggested, "How about if Beale and I take the newly-engaged couple out for breakfast to celebrate?"

"You sure about that?" Deeks asked. "You've seen Kensi eat lunch and dinner, she puts away twice that at breakfast."

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," Kensi defended herself.

* * *

Hoping to catch Hetty before work to tell their boss about their change in status, Kensi and Deeks arrived at the mission early the next day.

Spying them from across the open floorplan, their operations manager called out, "Ms. Blye, Mr. Deeks, how are you today?" She sounded tired.

Not even stopping to offload their messenger bags at their desks, the pair walked directly to Hetty's office. Kensi was glad she'd tucked her engagement ring into her front pocket before leaving the car a minute ago.

The older woman nodded at the chairs in front of her desk, indicating that they should sit. "Tea?" she offered.

"No thanks, Hetty," Deeks said as Kensi shook her head in the negative.

She studied them as she took a sip of her own. "That wasn't a rhetorical question," Hetty said as she placed the delicate china cup on its saucer. "How are you both?"

"Well, considering we're still alive, we've really got nothing to complain about," Deeks said flatly.

"You've also nothing to feel guilty for, I hope you realize," Hetty countered.

Kensi grimaced slightly. "Maybe. Maybe not. There's no denying that Michelle was at that warehouse, alive, when we were there the first time. I keep trying to figure out what we missed that could have clued us in sooner."

Deeks placed his hand on Kensi's. They'd been through this so many times in the past few days. But he was surprised she was sharing it with Hetty. He knew that Kensi would rather take the blame than believe Khaled had outsmarted them. If the fault lay within herself or the team, it was something that could be improved upon and avoided in the future. But if Tahir Khaled could outmaneuver them with such devastating results, who else could? No, Kensi would try to keep the responsibility for this squarely on her own shoulders for the time being. Deeks knew this because he felt much the same way. And he would be there to make sure it didn't knock her too far off kilter, just as she would do for him.

"My dear, everyone including Michelle herself, thought she was much further away than she was. You had no reason to be suspicious until your second visit. I believe Mr. Beale and Ms. Jones are similarly beating themselves up. They too are blameless."

Unaccepting of the other woman's absolution, Kensi nonetheless offered a nod and said, "Thank you, Hetty."

Not fooled for a moment, Hetty changed the subject to what she thought would be a more pleasant discussion. "I hope you two at least had a relaxing day yesterday."

Deeks was glad for the opening to bring up the reason for their early arrival. "Yeah, we actually met Nell and Eric at the beach. Beale and I surfed to our hearts' content while Nellousaurus and Kensi talked about mysterious lady things."

Hetty started typing on her laptop, seemingly distracted when she said, "That sounds like a perfectly lovely way to start your first full day as a betrothed couple."

"How –" Kensi started while Deeks said "Who –" at the same time.

"I purposefully didn't wear my ring so you wouldn't be tipped off until we told you," Kensi said, both surprised, and yet somehow not, that Hetty already knew.

"Did you squeeze it out of Eric?" Deeks demanded. "Did Beale squeal?"

The tiny woman smiled. "I can assure you that no one told me. If not for the early hour, I would offer you a libation with which to celebrate your good news. Unfortunately, you will have to settle for my warmest congratulations and small gifset to commemorate the occasion."

"You didn't have to get us a gift," Kensi said.

"No, Kensalina, she said gift _set_ , which means more than one thing. Probably something for each of us. Like maybe his and hers submachine guns," Deeks guessed, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "Hetty knows how much I love presents."

Hetty chuckled, "I'm afraid you both misheard me. I said _gifset_. As in a set of graphic interchange format images." At their blank looks, she mumbled, "You need to surf the net more." She turned the laptop around to show them and walked to the front of her desk as she explained, "Mr. Beale and I monitored the situation on the tour bus via nearby security and traffic cameras. Shortly after that much-too-close-for comfort explosion, we came down here for a drink, but I continued to keep an eye on the video feed, just in case. Needless to say I was quite delighted when I saw this." She hit one final button and stood back to watch the reactions of her agent and detective.

On the screen, Kensi and Deeks saw their own images in several different boxes, one atop the other, each replaying a particular scene of the proposal over and over. Kensi tossing the flashbang into the bomb containment chamber and heading toward Deeks; her pulling him away from the FBI and kneeling on the ground; Kensi slipping the ring on Deeks' hand and him trying to pull her up; both of them on a knee talking, hand in hand; Deeks nodding and Kensi launching herself into his arms; Deeks holding his hand up and looking at his ring; and finally, the newly engaged couple sharing their first kiss.

"Oh my god, this is incredible!" Kensi gushed.

"You couldn't have gotten my better side?" Deeks mock complained.

"Next time be mindful of where the cameras are, Detective," Hetty chided him.

"Next time? What next time? Four proposals are enough; this was the last one," Deeks said. "But Kensi's right, this really is a great gift…or is it a great gif?"

"Either will do, Mr. Deeks. It was very enjoyable to spend some time yesterday putting this together for you. It helped me take my mind off the sadness for a while. By the way, I can add captions if you would like to share what Ms. Blye said to win you over, Mr. Deeks."

"Didn't take too much arm-twisting, I can tell you that much." Deeks scratched the back of his head. "But you know what, I think some things are better left private, Hetty. Thanks for the offer, though."

"Thank you Hetty. We love it." Kensi gave the operations manager a hug, as did Deeks.

"I've emailed it to you. Perhaps you can play it for your mothers. I'm sure they'd be pleased to see it."

"Yeah, because Mama's not going to freak out at all seeing that destruction around us," Deeks whispered as he and Kensi made their way back to their desks.

"She did okay yesterday when you told her about Michelle, didn't she?"

"That's only because I was smart enough to make sure one of her friends was there before I called. And I wouldn't exactly say her moaning that she felt like she was about to have a heart attack was an 'okay' response, sugar bear."

"I still can't believe you gave your mother such bad news over the phone, Deeks."

"You know I can't stand to see her cry." Deeks defended himself.

Before she sat in her chair, Kensi pulled her engagement ring from her jeans pocket and slipped it on her finger. They settled in and began working on the small mountain of paperwork associated with the closing of a case.

Kensi was occasionally distracted by the glittering of the diamonds in her ring. So far her mother, Nell, Eric, and Hetty knew about their engagement. Callen would be next, shortly after he arrived this morning. Roberta still needed to be told, as did Sam. Kensi figured when things settled down after the funeral, she'd plan a weekend with the Cupcake Girls to tell them. And they needed to remember to take a picture, probably of both of their "rings," to send to Ray via the US Marshall's office.

She and Deeks had agreed to hold off on saying anything to Sam until sometime during the summer, at the earliest. As Kensi had shared with Deeks and her mother, she wanted to reach out to the kids and let them know she had an idea of what they were going through, in case either one of them was feeling particularly alone. She knew that everyone experienced grief differently, but Kensi realized that one of the things she missed when she lived on the streets after her father's death was the support of others in the military community who'd been through the same thing. She didn't want Aiden and Kamran to be without that connection if they needed or wanted it. If the time felt right, maybe they would share the news of their engagement with Sam then. If not, then as soon as he came back to work.

Her thoughts wandering back to Roberta, Kensi was slightly disappointed that Deeks hadn't wanted to visit her yesterday to give her the bad news-good news in person like they did with her mom. He'd said he didn't think she'd be able to handle the stress of all that emotional upheaval, even if half of it was positive. Kensi wasn't sure she fully believed that, considering what the woman had been through in her marriage to Gordon Brandel, but since this was Deeks' mother, she would defer to him for now.

Then a thought occurred to her. "Deeks, we have to tell your mother about us before the wake tomorrow. She's going to see everyone there."

"Please, we work with people who keep secrets for a living. They can keep this one for a few days."

Kensi was surprised by his quick reply, as if he'd already thought it through. "What about my mother?"

That stopped him for a second. "Just text her and ask her not to say anything yet."

" _I'm_ not going to ask her. _You_ ask her!"

"Come on, Kens. Be a good fiancée and do this one thing for me? _Please?_ " he begged.

"Deeks, if I pick up my phone right now, it will be to find out if your mother is available after work tonight." They had a staring contest for several moments, which Kensi ultimately lost. "Fine," she relented with a huff, and started typing a message to her mother.

"You're the best, princess. No wonder I love you. I'll go tell Hetty right now, then I'll let Heckle, Jeckle, and Callen in on the plan when they come in."

"Callen's in," they heard from the nearest corridor. "What's the plan? And you'd better not let Heckle and Jeckle know you call them that."

"It's a perfectly valid comparison," Deeks claimed.

"Aren't they the cartoon magpies?" Callen asked.

"Yes. They sit and banter all day, and outwit their far less intelligent enemies."

Kensi joined in the conversation, having sent her text. "And how is that different from what you and I or Callen and Sam do?"

Deeks looked up to the second level. "They do it from on high, where they watch over all from their perch."

Kensi muttered with a grin, "You're ridiculous."

"And yet it looks like you agreed to marry him," Callen said from his desk, eyes pinned to Kensi's left hand.

"Oh no, no, no," Deeks said haughtily. " _I_ agreed to marry _her_."

"You proposed to Deeks?" Callen appeared pleasantly surprised.

Kensi's smile grew, "Just got caught up in the moment, I guess." She held out her phone to the team leader, showing him the gifset.

Callen immediately recognized the setting and his face fell slightly.

Kensi noticed and explained, "I didn't plan it that way."

"Hey, no judgment. It just startled me. Congratulations." With that, Callen stood and offered a hug to Kensi, followed by a handshake and a bro-hug to Deeks. "Is this what you were talking about when I came in? You need to tell Hetty and the Wonder Twins the good news now?"

"Nah, they know already. We need everyone to keep their mouths shut about this anywhere near my mother for the next few days." Deeks said.

"You're not telling your mother?"

"Not quite yet. She'll need to calm down after the funeral first."

"Why?" Callen asked, clearly confused.

Deeks explained, "Mama is very…excitable. She's going to be a bigger wreck at Michelle's services than half of the family."

"Maybe if you give her something positive, like our _engagement_ , to focus on, she'll be a little calmer," Kensi reasoned.

"Yeah, no. Then she'll want to talk to everyone about that. And trust me, Kensalina, you'll be grateful we didn't tell her right away when she's calling you twenty times a day to tell you her opinion about releasing a hundred white doves, and champagne fountains, and whatever else goes into planning a wedding."

"But we don't want anything like that at our wedding."

"Won't matter to Mama."

Knowing she wouldn't win, Kensi turned back to Callen. "How's Sam?"

Callen shook his head, "I don't know. He doesn't return my calls, answers my texts with one word, and won't let me come over. Says it's because there's a lot of family there, but I don't buy it."

Kensi said, "That may be part of it, actually. It's really hard when the family and friends leave and you're alone again. Could be he'll want you to come around once the dust starts to settle and the numbness begins to wear off."

"We'll see him tomorrow at the visitation and then the next day at the funeral and luncheon, so hopefully we can get a feel for how he is then. Kensi wants to visit in a couple of weeks, offer her support to the kids, so we can check up on him then too," Deeks said.

"That's a good idea. Sam may turn down help for himself, but not for Aiden and Kamran."

"Speaking of help that Sam will accept, how about we divvy his reports up as soon as we're done with our own?" Kensi suggested.

Callen said, "Now there's a plan I can get behind. Let's get to work. If we finish these today, we can take off the next couple for the services without the paperwork hanging over our heads."

Deeks nodded, "Yeah, then we can focus on Sam and the kids, make sure they get what they need."

They settled into their tasks, minds never far from their absent teammate.


	3. Part III - What We Do

**Part III – What We Do**

 **AN** : This was my contribution to the 2k17 NCIS: LA Fic Exchange (then titled "Postmortem"). I changed a few references to Aiden and Kamran's plans now that we have more information on them since the premiere aired. The final part should be up this weekend.

* * *

Kensi rang the doorbell, the diamonds of her engagement ring sparkling in the midafternoon sun. Sam knew they were coming, but Kensi would have been only mildly surprised if he didn't answer. According to Callen, his partner hadn't taken up any of his numerous offers to visit.

It had been nearly three weeks since she and Deeks last saw Sam and the kids. They'd hugged goodbye on the day of Michelle's funeral and promised to be available anytime, for anything. They'd meant it, but assumed that their teammate wouldn't reach out to them.

Taking matters into her own hands, Kensi left Sam a voice mail earlier in the week reminding him that she had experienced the loss of a parent in her adolescence and reiterating her offer to talk with Aiden and Kamran. Sam texted back that he thought Kam could use her support, and they agreed on today.

"What if he doesn't open the door?" Deeks asked, his thoughts obviously running along the same path as hers.

"Pick the lock? When the alarm sounds, he'll come out." She was only half-joking. Deeks thought they should have waited a little longer before reaching out to the Hannas, but Kensi was adamant that too much time not pass.

When the door finally opened, Kensi and Deeks both did their best to hide their shock at Sam's appearance. Whether they'd been successful they would never know, as Sam barely looked at them.

The former Navy SEAL, one of the most squared away men Kensi knew, looked like hell. His face and head were still clean shaven, but that was probably the only thing that reminded her of "their" Sam.

He'd lost weight, so his shirt was roomier than they were used to seeing. His eyes were bloodshot and the bags beneath them could carry all of Kamran's clothes to school next month. The skin of his face appeared dull, as if he'd recently been ill. Sam's normally straight military bearing was replaced by slightly slumped shoulders and eyes that dragged the floor rather than meeting theirs. He looked like he was about to fall asleep standing up.

"Sam," Kensi said on an exhale, wanting nothing more than to wrap her arms around the man. She fought the impulse because she knew it would make her cry, and she and Deeks were here to support the Hannas, not the other way around.

Sam was mute as he opened the door fully and stepped back to allow them entrance. When Kensi and Deeks remained silent as well, preferring to take their lead from Sam, he finally spoke. "Thanks for coming. Kam's in her room, Kensi. You remember where that is?"

"Yes." It was clear Sam was not in the mood to talk. Kensi felt bad for Deeks, about to be left here with their teammate, but figured if anyone could occupy both sides of a conversation, it was her fiancé. Giving Deeks a reassuring look, she said, "I'll head on up then."

Watching her go, Deeks thought about a course of action. He didn't know what he expected to find today, but it wasn't this. Sam seemed so preoccupied Deeks wondered if he would just leave the room and forget someone else was even in the house. "Mind if I get some water?" Deeks asked, nodding in the direction of the kitchen.

"No, go ahead. I'm going to the garage," Sam said before he left.

Walking toward the kitchen, Deeks scanned the rooms he passed along the way. He was relieved that place was as clean and organized as ever. Pulling a couple of bottles of water from the fridge, Deeks made his way to the garage, unsure of his welcome.

Sam was at a workbench, cleaning a gun. There was a collection of firearms displayed in a hidden cabinet on the wall. Deeks put a water on the table and used the other to point to the small armory, "Need a hand?"

Sam stopped what he was doing and looked briefly at Deeks, and the detective was almost sure his teammate was on the verge of asking where Deeks had come from. Sam didn't speak, but pulled a gun from the case and placed it in front of the other man. He then pulled open a drawer and Deeks helped himself to the supplies he would need to clean the weapon.

They worked, the room quiet but for the sounds of them brushing and rubbing metal, for several minutes before Deeks settled on what he hoped was a safe topic of conversation. "Aiden doing okay? I mean, as okay as he can be?"

Sam didn't answer for long enough that Deeks was about to give up hope he would respond at all. When he did, his voice was low. "Aiden would have been here; I wanted him to have the chance to talk to Kensi too, but he has to find volunteer work ASAP."

"What is that for, some sort of honor society?" Deeks observed.

Sam shook his head. "He had a pre-Academy summer internship lined up with the Naval Air Reserve Washington in D.C., but because of Michelle's death the Superintendent at Annapolis allowed Aiden to intern at LA the Navy Operational Support Center instead so he could be at home. But that's only part-time, so he needs to make up the rest with community service hours." Deeks was glad to notice Sam's voice becoming stronger with use.

"How about at a soup kitchen?"

When Sam looked at him this time, his eyes were clearer and focused on him. Deeks was relieved to see it. "That could work."

"Kensi and I volunteer at one downtown a couple of times a year, and usually at Christmas. Earnestine Lewis runs it; she's a great lady and I'm sure Aiden would be a big help. She'll have him doing everything from mashing potatoes to scrubbing pots to picking up donations. When he's impressed her with that, Earnestine will let him show off his manners on the food line. They'll love Aiden, and I wouldn't be surprised if he loves it too and we end up seeing him there sometime during Christmas this year. You want me to reach out to her?"

At Sam's nod, Deeks pulled out his phone and hit a few buttons. "Hey Ernie, it's Marty Deeks, how are you, sweetheart?" He smiled as he listened to the woman on the other end. "No, not right now, but I have someone better who can easily do what Kensi and I can get done. His name is Aiden Hanna, and he'll be attending the Naval Academy in the fall but for the summer he's looking to do some community service…Yeah, he's a great kid, very responsible, smart, respectful, and able and willing to do anything you need…Does he have a driver's license?"

Deeks looked at Sam, who nodded in the affirmative. "He sure does. He's actually out right now looking for a place to volunteer, so I'll text him and see if he can meet you this afternoon." Deeks raised his eyebrows at Sam, who took his own phone out and began typing. "So how's Colton doing?" Deeks walked away from the workbench as he listened to Earnestine catch him up on her husband's welfare. "Kensi's great, thanks for asking. All healed from her accident and back to work full time, so she's happy as a clam at high tide." Deeks sneaked a peek at Sam before answering the woman's next question carefully, "Uh, yeah. Yeah, there might definitely be something there next time we see you."

Sam said, "Aiden can be downtown in an hour."

"Hey, great news, Aiden can be there in about an hour, ready to interview…Let me just send him the address and hopefully the two of you can work something out…You got it, Earnestine, same to Colton…I will, you too. Bye." Deeks took Sam's phone and typed in the soup kitchen's location before handing it back to him.

"Thanks for that, man. I really appreciate it. Aiden does too," Sam showed Deeks his phone, complete with his son's message of thanks to the detective.

"No problem. At least it's something I can actually do." Deeks glanced quickly at his teammate and continued, "I wish there was some way we could help you though this, Sam."

"Really nothing you _can_ do," Sam assured him.

"That's what Kensi said, some things you just can't make better for someone else. I'll take her word for it since she's had a loss like the kids. But if there's anything, even the smallest thing that you guys need, you'll let one of us know?"

"Sure," Sam said.

Deeks didn't think he would, but he sounded more sincere than he had weeks ago at the luncheon. "Is it okay if Kens or I reach out to you periodically, just in case you think of something but don't want to ask? I mean, hell, Kensi can come by and mess up the place a little – okay, who am I kidding, a lot – give you more cleaning to do, for when you're done with the guns."

Sam almost chuckled, "Doesn't mean I'll pick up the phone or answer the text, but yeah. And if I forget later, will you make sure to thank Kensi for talking to Kam? This has been so hard on her. I really hope Kensi can give her a little perspective."

Deeks agreed and the pair was quiet again as they returned to the care of the guns. Deeks broke the silence a while later with a whispered question, "If you knew then how things would end, would you change the life you lived with Michelle? Your careers, kids, any of it?"

His response was an immediate, "No." After a few seconds, Sam elaborated, "Knowing what I know now, I would have killed Tahir Khaled last year at Keating, or any time before that when I had the opportunity." His voice was certain as he said, "I'm grateful for every second with Michelle and our children." Sam paused and looked at Deeks suspiciously, "Why? Are you having second thoughts about proposing to Kensi?"

Deeks grinned, "That ship's already sailed, brother. She popped the question and I said yes."

The smile on Sam's face, while small, was the best gift Deeks could have received just then, and he welcomed the handshake and brief hug his friend offered. "She got tired of waiting for your grand scheme to come together, huh?"

"Something like that," Deeks hedged.

"Well I'm glad for you both, however it happened. You guys deserve all the happiness you can grab, for as long as you're fortunate to have it. Don't let what happened to Michelle scare you off marriage and kids. Let it remind you to make the most of every day."

* * *

The door to Kamran's room was closed, but Kensi could hear the beeps and chirps of what sounded like a video game. When she knocked, the noises went silent and seconds later, Kamran said, "Come in."

When Kensi did, she found Sam's daughter sitting cross-legged on the floor, her back against the bed. Her phone was face-down on the carpet beside her, and Kensi assumed that was what she'd been playing with.

"Hey, Kam," Kensi said.

"Hi Kensi." Kamran's voice was unsurprisingly sad.

"Can I sit?" When she nodded, Kensi sat down next to her and mirrored her position. Kensi said quietly, "I'm not going to ask you how you are, because it's a stupid question." That got the girl's attention. "But I will ask what kind of day you're having. An okay day, a bad one, even horrible? It's way too soon for a good day, so don't even think about saying that."

Kamran shrugged. "A bad day, I guess. Pretty much like all of them."

"Yeah," Kensi commiserated. "Listen Kam, I just want to let you know that I get it." When the tween looked up questioningly, Kensi continued, "My dad died when I was fifteen. He was murdered too."

"I'm sorry," Kamran said with sincerity for Kensi's loss. "But it's not really the same thing. This was my _mom_."

"No, it's not the same thing. I don't think any two people's losses ever are. But I was a real tomboy when I was a kid, and I was much closer to my dad than my mom growing up. He was my best friend."

"What happened to the person who killed him?"

"It took me a very long time to find him. But I did, and he's dead now."

"Did you kill him?"

"No, but I wanted to."

"My dad said the same thing. And that what's important is that he can't hurt us anymore."

"But that's not exactly true, is it? He took your mom away from you, and that will hurt forever."

"Does it ever get better?"

"It does, eventually. For me, the first two years were the hardest, because everything reminded me of my dad, and sometimes just thinking about him was like a punch to the gut. I can't tell you how many times I thought, I have to remember to tell Dad that, only to have it hit me that he was gone."

The tears started down Kamran's cheeks, "I go to look for my mom or text her about ten times a day! And I get so mad, because it's like, how could I forget that she's dead, you know? But it's not that I forget, it's just not right in the front of my head for a second or two, and then when it comes back it hurts all over again."

"I know, sweetie, and I'm so sorry," Kensi pulled Kamran into her arms, and the girl came willingly. She cried freely, while Kensi held her and rubbed her back.

When Kamran's tears started to ease, Kensi said, "One day it didn't hurt as much to think about him. I like talking about my dad now, sharing happy memories of him. But to this day, almost twenty years later, sometimes I still miss him so much I want to cry."

"Like when?" Kamran asked as she pulled out of Kensi's embrace and wiped her eyes and nose on her sleeves.

"Mostly the big events in my life. When I joined NCIS I desperately wanted to be able to tell him and see the look on his face, to know that he was proud of me. My biggest regret right now is that he never got to meet Deeks." She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper, "Your dad may or may not know this by now, but Deeks and I got engaged a little while ago. That night, I blubbered like a baby in the shower because I couldn't tell my father. When we get married, I know it'll be impossible to think of him and not cry. If we have a baby of our own, I'll be sad that he's not there to meet his grandchild." Kensi's eyes were watering now too. "It gets easier, but I'm not sure it ever goes away. And honestly, I wouldn't want it to."

Kamran nodded. They sat quietly for a minute or two, each lost in her own thoughts. Kensi finally asked, "What things do you admire most about your mother, Kam?"

The girl's face lit up in a smile even as the tears began again, "She was the best mom, and she always helped me with my homework until she knew I could do it by myself. She was _beautiful_. And so smart and brave, and she gave the best hugs and cuddles."

"Those are the things you're going to remember forever, and they'll always make you happy to think about. I don't know what kind of hugs and cuddle she gave, but I can believe that she was an incredible mother for those reasons and a million others. And I agree, she was beautiful, smart, and brave." Kensi paused. Looking at the sad young lady, she decided Kamran probably needed to hear this right now, more than much else Kensi could tell her. "You take after her, you know. You're beautiful, smart, and brave too."

Kamran looked down, embarrassed by the compliment, or perhaps surprised by the comparison to her mother. "Mom always told me how smart I am, but I don't know about beautiful, and I'm not brave at all!"

"Well I'm not going to try to convince you that you're beautiful, since it won't work anyway. But I will tell you to think about your mother, father, and brother, objectively if you can. They are some fine-looking people, and if you ever tell your dad I said that, he'll never let me live it down," Kensi chuckled. "Then think about how unlikely it is that you're not just as beautiful too."

The shy smile on Kamran's face was enough to convince Kensi she'd said the right thing, but would leave it at that. "And as for brave, I know you are, and I know that because your mom told me."

"Really?" Kamran's voice and face were full of wonder now.

"Remember that Christmas Deeks and I were here with our mothers? Your mom and I spent some time chatting, and she told me that you had just announced an interest in attending Keating. She was so proud of you and awed by how much courage it took for a young girl to even think about leaving home to go to a military academy."

Kamran frowned. "I changed my mind about Keating. I'm going to go to Stockdale instead. It's not as far, so I can come home on long weekends if I want, once I earn the privilege. So much for courage, huh?"

"Kam, there's nothing wrong with wanting to stay close to your dad right now. I'll tell you a secret: it'll probably be just as helpful to him as it will for you, and I have a feeling that was also part of your decision. Whether or not you'd define it as brave, it certainly says something about your character that you're willing to alter your plans for the people you love."

The girl nodded shyly, a small smile playing across her lips. "She used to say she was so impressed with me," Kamran whispered.

"She really was, honey. I'm sure there are plenty of people who can tell you what your mom thought or felt about you, and anything else you want to know." Kensi tapped Kam's hand with a finger. "That always made me feel good: hearing about my dad from other people who knew him." Kensi stopped again, debating if she should say what had just popped into her mind. "Would you like me to tell you the story of how your mother saved my life?"

"She saved your life? My dad says you can kick anyone's ass –" Kamran stopped abruptly, realizing she just cursed to an adult.

Kensi laughed lightly, "Don't worry about it. I won't tell your dad about that lapse in language if you won't tell him about mine. Your mom kicked some serious ass herself. And on that particular day, she saved her own life and mine…" Kensi shared a less dramatic version of how Michelle Hanna pulled herself up from dangling thirty floors above the ground and then took out the Barbie who was about to grab the gun she and Kensi were both scrambling for. "Your mother was an amazing woman, Kam, and you should always remember and be proud of that."

"I will," Kamran said, still somewhat amazed by what she'd just heard.

"Good," Kensi took the pre-teen's hand in her own. "I need to tell you one more thing and then I'll leave you alone if you want."

"Do you have to go?"

"Not if you don't want me to, no. We can keep talking about your mom, or about anything but your mom, or nothing at all, but I'll give you the choice, okay?"

Kamran nodded and Kensi blew out a quick breath. "You and I are members of a club no one wants to be in. We know what it's like to lose a parent at a young age. But you were right before when you said that it was different because it was your mom. Even though I was closer to my father than my mother, there's still something about a mother-daughter relationship that's special, isn't there?"

"Yeah, Mom and I fangirled over some of the same cute actors and singers. Can't do that with my father. Or Aiden," she wrinkled her nose at the thought.

"That would just be weird," Kensi agreed. "My parents divorced the year before I lost my father, and I chose to live with my dad. But after he died I refused to live with my mother, even though she was all I had left."

"Who did you stay with?"

"How about if we save that story for another time?" Kensi suggested. "Let's just say that when my father died, I basically lost both of my parents. And even though I was a tomboy who idolized my father, by the time I was older and dating, or falling in love for the first time, and things like that, I really wished I had my mom around to talk to."

"I was thinking about that the other day," Kamran's voice cracked as she held back tears.

"Your father, and I'm sure your brother, are willing to do anything and answer any question for you, and you may have to rely on them for some of the things that you would have done with your mom. Like buying a dress for the winter formal or teaching you how to drive."

Kamran rolled her eyes, "Dad had no patience teaching Aiden to drive. I'll probably ask Aiden or Uncle Callen."

Kensi smiled, knowing Sam would never allow her to teach his daughter that particular skill. "But there may be some things that they can't do because you're becoming a young woman and they're guys who just don't get it or really won't know. I know you have an aunt in San Francisco and your grandmothers, and I'm sure they've already offered this as well. But especially now that you're attending school closer to home, if you need help with something that you're not comfortable going to your dad with, and the women in your family are too far away, I want you to know that you can come to me, okay?"

Kamran was happily surprised. "Thanks, Kensi."

"I mean it, Kam. Any time, day or night. Deeks and I are used to being woken up at all sorts of crazy hours, so don't ever worry about that."

"Okay, I promise." This time it was Kamran who initiated the hug. Kensi could feel the girl's hold tighten just as Kamran blurted, "Wait a minute, did you say you and Deeks are engaged?"

At Kamran's suggestion, they spent a while talking about the proposal – Kensi not mentioning exactly where and when she asked Deeks to marry her – and ideas for the wedding. Hoping Sam wouldn't mind, Kensi finished their conversation by asking Kamran to be her junior bridesmaid, a decision made on impulse, but one she guessed was right judging by the excitement on the pre-teen's face.

"You can go if you need to," Kamran offered soon after the wedding talk wound down.

"You're sure?" Kensi asked. There was plenty more she wanted to share with the girl. Words of experience, if not wisdom, about it being okay to cry and not be embarrassed, or laugh and not feel guilty. But they'd just spent an emotionally charged hour or so together, and Kensi didn't want to overdo it. She would just have to make sure to do this again a few more times over the summer if Kamran was open to it.

"Yeah. I'll text you if I need anything," she said.

"Maybe we can make plans to grab ice cream some night next week, or lunch over the weekend if you want. Do you like to bike or surf? We can do that too if you'd rather. We could talk about your mom and how things are going, or not. Whichever you're in the mood for."

"I'd like that," Kamran said.

Kensi smiled. "Me too. Is it okay if I check in with you a couple of times a week, ask what kind of day you're having?"

"Okay, bad, or horrible?"

"Yeah."

Kamran nodded in agreement then asked in a small, unsure voice, "When will they start to get good again, Kensi?"

Kensi let out a sad sigh, "I wish I knew, honey. But that's different for everybody. What I can tell you is that you've got a lot of people who love you and want those good days for you. They'll help you get them back. And I know your mom would want not only plenty of good days, but lots of great and incredible days for you too."

"Dad says she'll be watching over us, so maybe she'll send some of those days our way."

Kensi smiled, "I bet she will."

* * *

As they pulled away from the curb in front of the Hanna house, Kensi asked, "So how'd it go with Sam?"

"He wasn't very talkative, and I didn't push. But we cleaned every gun in his arsenal. And I hooked Aiden up with Earnestine, so now he's got a place to do his required community service for the summer."

"That's a match made in heaven."

"I thought so. How's Kam?"

"Hurting. Missing her mom. Pretty much what you'd expect. But she seemed receptive to me, and I'll be checking in on her periodically to see how she's coming along. I think I'll try to take her out somewhere once a week if I can. She was really excited about the wedding. Oh, and she's going to be our junior bridesmaid."

"Great. Except I didn't know we were having one."

"Well, we are now."

Deeks took Kensi's hand and kissed it. "That's awesome, then. It sounds like you two really connected. I wish I could say the same for me and Sam"

"Kids tend to be more open in general, I think. And except with Callen, Sam's never been a Chatty Cathy, so you had the tougher job of the two of us by far. I was really worried about him when we first got there."

"Me too."

"Do we still have reason to be?"

Deeks let out a long sigh. "I think so, yeah. The only thing that got any real response from him was when I asked about the kids. Honestly, I don't know how he's going to handle it once they're both away at school."

"Coming back to work will be a good distraction after Aiden and Kam leave," Kensi assured him.

"He's plenty distracted now, Kens. After today I'm wondering if he'll even want to come back," Deeks admitted.

Kensi shrugged, "Maybe he needs to find something else to do, then. He left the SEALs to join NCIS. He might decide he wants to be out of the field altogether, especially after Michelle."

Deeks looked at her, unconvinced. "To do what, clean his weapon collection all day long?"

"He's all Aiden and Kamran have left, Deeks. Maybe Sam's should focus on staying alive long enough to watch them get married and have kids of their own one day. We're planning to find another line of work when we have children, it's really no different."

"Except that we'll be leaving to move onto another chapter in our lives. I'm afraid that if Sam does it, he'd be closing the book entirely. I don't know if it's because they're more resilient or because they have each other and Sam to lean on, but the kids seem to be doing much better than their father right now, and I don't see that changing anytime soon unless something's done about it."

"If that's the case, I think you should tell Callen about today, let him know what's going on. If Sam will respond to anyone, it'll be him."

"I hope you're right," Deeks said.

"They're partners. And about as close as two people in our line of work can be without being married," Kensi stated with confidence.

"Callen's going to have his work cut out for him. Maybe Nate can drop into the country for a visit."

"That's a good idea. But it won't just be Callen and Nate, babe. You understand what Sam's going through. Maybe not to the same degree, but you're the only other person on the team who's experienced anything close to losing a wife. Nate and Callen can't say that. I think in the end we'll all have a role to play in Sam's healing."

Deeks nodded. "You're right. We're family. This is what we do."


	4. Part IV - Girl Talk

**Part IV – Girl Talk**

 **AN** : Apologies in advance to any male readers out there.

* * *

Kensi and Deeks were lying on the couch, splayed over each other, doing little more than vegging while the TV played some inane cop show. Monty was on the floor between them and the coffee table, chasing baddies of his own in his dreams, no doubt. As much as Kensi loved her job, the thrill of the chase, the adrenaline rush of a gunfight or hand-to-hand combat, the pride in knowing she was part of something important, she loved these times just as much.

When her phone alerted an incoming text, Kensi considered ignoring it. She was so comfortable she really didn't want to untangle from Deeks to pick it up from its place on the coffee table. But then she remembered that she had reached out to Kamran a few hours ago and hadn't heard back from her yet. Hopeful the girl had been out having an "okay" day with friends and she simply forgot to reply earlier, Kensi stretched for the phone and managed to grab it without landing the two of them on top of Monty.

"Nice trick there, Houdini." Deeks drawled, having enjoyed the view the exercise provided.

"Don't want to get up," she mumbled back. Swiping the screen and reading the message, Kensi quickly bolted upright, nearly knocking Deeks in the chin with her head.

"What the – what happened to not getting up?" Deeks complained.

"I...uh…" Kensi looked down, "I think Monty needs to go out." Upon hearing some of his favorite words, the canine in question got up and started doing an excited trot between Kensi and the front door. "Yup, he's definitely ready for a walk. I'll take him, you stay put. Be right back," Kensi rambled as she pulled on her sneakers, tucked her phone in her back pocket, and gave Deeks a quick peck on the lips before she left the house, grabbing the dog's leash on the way out.

She was back in five minutes. "I need to go out for a little while," she announced as she walked in the door.

"You forget to pee too while you were out there?"

"What?" Kensi was clearly distracted by whatever she was looking at on her phone.

"Before, you said Monty needed – you know what, forget it." He ran a hand through his hair. "Where are we going?"

"Oh, you don't have to come. I got it, thanks. Don't worry."

"Because that's not suspicious at all," Deeks joked. Glancing up at him from her phone, she seemed unsure, which made Deeks nervous. "Seriously Kens, what's going on?"

"Listen, I promise I'll fill you in when I get back, but it's kind of important that I leave now." She pulled out the cash in her pocket, counted it, and shoved it back in. Once more she gave him a quick kiss, "Love you, I'll text if I'm going to be long."

Before she could get too far away, Deeks reached for and held onto her hand until she stopped and turned back toward him. "No secrets, remember?"

Kensi blew out a mildly frustrated breath. "This isn't my secret, Deeks."

"So it's someone else's but you're willing to tell me about it later?" His voice was doubtful.

When Kensi's phone beeped again, she checked out the text and smiled a little. "Babe, it's not like that." At a loss for what to do to assuage her fiancé's curiosity and obvious wariness, inspiration finally struck. "You know what – why don't you come? In fact, you can drive while I do some research."

"Research into what?" he asked as Kensi started pulling him toward the door.

"Uh-uh, no questions until later. Otherwise you stay home. But I need to go now." Looking Deeks in the eye to show him how important this was, Kensi asked, "Deal?"

He smiled and nodded quickly, "Let's go."

* * *

"Are you pregnant? I mean, do you think you might be pregnant, Kens? Is that why we're going to a pharmacy in the middle of the night?"

"Deeks, it's not even eleven o'clock. And I said you didn't have to come with me."

"That's not a no."

Kensi held his eyes after they pulled into a parking spot outside a 24-hour drug store chain. "No. I do not think I'm pregnant. We are not here to buy a home pregnancy test."

"Then what _are_ we here for?"

"I'm not going to answer that. At least not right now." She put NPR on the radio and opened the door, "You stay here like a good boy and I'll buy you a treat."

"We really need to work on your sense of humor," he called out after her as Kensi walked toward the store. Appreciating the view once again as he watched her go, Deeks pondered what he'd learned on the way here. Ever the detective, he couldn't help but want to detect, especially when his ladybird refused to tell him anything.

But that wasn't the only way to gather information. Since it was nighttime, Deeks could see the reflection of Kensi's phone screen off her window when she had the device angled just right. Unfortunately, he'd nearly run them off the road trying to sneak a peek at whatever websites she was perusing.

So instead, he glanced over at Kensi more frequently than usual while he drove, finding the expressions on her face priceless as she surfed the net. In those moments, a great deal was revealed. Deeks saw confusion, horror, relief, and happiness play across her lovely features, and that was what he was able to glean in the random and brief moments he could steal a glimpse at her. He didn't have a clue what it meant yet, but he didn't mind a little mystery every now and again.

Speaking of clues, he was sitting outside a big one right now. The problem was you could get so much more at these large chain drug stores that were open all night than the small mom-and-pop businesses that really did sell mostly pharmaceuticals. For all Deeks knew, Kensi got an alert that her favorite flavor of Häagen-Dazs was just delivered here. Even if his Kensalina wasn't pregnant, not much would stand between her and a pint of her latest obsession, Espresso Chocolate Cookie Crumble.

Ten minutes later, Deeks had exhausted his current investigative avenues and was deep into a game of Shape Fix on his phone when Kensi pulled on the back-door handle, startling him. She tucked a few bags into the space behind her seat and slid into the front next to him.

Deeks regarded her now empty hands. Eyebrows up, he asked, "Where's my treat?"

"How do I know you didn't make a mess in the cargo area while I was gone?"

He opened his mouth to return the snark, then thought better of it. "You know, that wasn't bad. Touché."

Kensi smiled as she lifted her butt off the seat and dug into her front pocket for something. She handed him a tube of Chapstick.

"Sweet Watermelon! The best of the summer flavors." His eyes narrowed. "Uh, the Sealed for Protection wrap is missing." He pulled off the cap, "Ew, did you use it?"

"We're getting married, Deeks. You can't share lip balm with me?"

His hand went through his hair and stopped at the back of his head, where he scratched a bit and continued to look uncomfortably at the object in his hand. "No, it's not that…it's just…I mean, obviously our lips touch the same stuff a lot, even each other's lips…and other body parts….so I…in a way this is like kissing you by proxy, I guess…and I…nope, I just can't do it, sorry." He passed it back to her.

Kensi shrugged, unfazed, then leaned in and kissed him long enough to be sure his tongue would peek out and take a taste. "There, now we're both happy."

Deeks smacked his lips together a few times, trying to figure out if he was in fact happy with the arrangement. While he didn't have the Chapstick, the combination of Kensi and the now transferred and therefore subtle Sweet Watermelon flavoring could become his new favorite. His lips and tongue still pondering that, Deeks asked, "Back home?"

"Sam's house," was Kensi's firm reply.

Deeks was surprised. "Is everything all right there? Is someone sick?"

"I'm sure everyone is fine."

"Which is why we'll be showing up there way after what is considered polite," he groused as he pulled out of the spot and headed toward the parking lot exit.

"It's not showing up when you're invited."

"Sam asked you to come? Is Kam having a really bad day or something?"

"Can we have this discussion later, Deeks? I need to do a little more research. Drive," Kensi commanded, reaching for the phone in her back pocket.

* * *

"What are you guys doing here?" Sam asked when he opened his front door to find Kensi and Deeks.

"Kam needs a little Kensi time. Okay if I go up? Thanks," she said with a too-big smile as she walked past their teammate, bags in hand, not waiting for a reply.

It was obvious that Sam had no idea what was going on either. "May as well come on in, Deeks." The former SEAL turned and walked further into the house. "Get you a beer? I keep some in the fridge for G. Or I can make you a protein shake."

"Yeah, sure. A smoothie sounds great, actually." Deeks followed the man into the kitchen and studied him as he gathered the ingredients for their drinks. He thought Sam looked a little better since the last time he and Kensi had been here about a month ago. He'd put back on some of the weight he'd lost, and Deeks guessed he'd returned to his workout routine. "So, uh, is Kam okay?"

Sam slowly put the container of protein powder back on the counter. He looked at Deeks and shook his head. "I don't know man. I mean, I thought she was doing better. Not great. Hell, not even good, but better. Kensi's been a godsend for her. I swear, the only thing she seems to look forward to are their get-togethers every week. And I know Kensi checks-in with her almost daily. Kam usually tells me what she texts Kensi, about how she's doing that day. So it helps me keep up with her too. But she's been up in her room all day today, and barely answers when I try to talk to her. I'm glad she at least reached out to Kensi tonight."

"Whatever it is, Kens will do everything she can to help." Deeks wasn't sure he should mention their stop at the drug store, presumably after hearing from Kamran. Despite what his detective senses were telling him, it was possible it had nothing to do with the girl, and Deeks didn't want to worry the father for no reason.

He fell silent as Sam resumed work on the drinks. When they had their smoothies in hand, both men raised their glasses to one another before sipping. "Aiden been keeping busy?" Deeks asked after his first taste.

"Always," Sam said. "He's learning a lot at the NOSC, and doing good work there. And they're keeping him hopping at the soup kitchen. Miss Ernestine, as Aiden call her, adores him."

"He told you that?"

"No, Ernestine did. Kam and I pitched in during a dinner shift and when they were short-staffed last week. She's a nice woman, and a good person."

"That she is."

"She can't say enough about you and Kensi either. I really appreciate you hooking Aiden up with that opportunity, Deeks. You two have done a lot for my family this summer, and I won't forget it."

Deeks was relieved that Sam didn't appear to blame them in any way for Michelle's death. He and Kensi continued to struggle with it some. They still felt terrible about her loss, but they were gradually feeling less guilty and responsible for it. Knowing that Sam didn't hold them accountable would go a long way toward helping them accept their inability to find her sooner or save her life once they finally had. "No need to keep score, man. We're glad to be there for the kids. If there's anything we can do for _you_ too, we will. You know that, right?"

Sam didn't speak, but simply nodded his acceptance of the other man's offer.

"So Kens and shouldn't take it personally that you haven't called us back once in the past month?" Deeks ribbed.

"You guys are helping my kids, you _are_ helping me. They're my life. Always have been, but now they're all I have left. And I can't thank you enough."

* * *

Kensi knocked lightly on Kamran's door. "Kam? It's Kensi. Can I come in?"

"Yes," she heard faintly.

Entering the room, Kensi found it shrouded in darkness, save the area at the head of the girl's bed. The glow from a small lamp made it possible for Kensi to discern that the tween was laying on her side in a fetal position. Familiar enough with the room from her visit last month, Kensi was able to make her way to the edge of the bed easily despite the gloom. She put her purchases on the floor and knelt beside the bed so they were at the same level.

"I brought a whole bunch of things with me, so you'll have plenty of options. But since it's late, I think you're better off using overnights with wings for right now." She rummaged through one of the bags, pulled out a specific box, and presented it to the young woman. "You know what to do with these?"

Kamran sat up, "Yeah."

"You sure? It's okay if you don't. There are plenty of websites that have diagrams, pictures, and even videos. I know this because I spent some time looking at them while Deeks drove us here."

"Deeks knows?!" She seemed appalled at the thought.

"No, I watched a few of the videos when I was in the drug store. And while he thinks I didn't know he was trying to sneak a peek while he was supposed to be keeping his eyes on the road, he couldn't see anything I was looking at."

Kamran's relief at that news was palpable. Standing, she took the proffered box, went to her dresser for what Kensi assumed was a clean pair of underwear, and left the room. While she was gone, Kensi removed another important item from a bag and started getting it ready.

Kensi's nerves began to settle a little as she got an idea of what she was in for tonight. Kam hadn't been so calm earlier, but she seemed much less upset now. She hadn't known what to expect when Kam texted, asking her to call her back when Kensi was alone. When the girl told her she'd just gotten her first period, had no supplies, and steadfastly refused to ask her father to run to the store for her, Kensi's anxiety ramped into overdrive. She didn't know what Kamran had been taught in school or by her mother, or had heard from her friends. She was terrified at the prospect of having to explain _everything_ to her. She was just finishing her task when Kamran returned.

"Everything go okay?"

The girl nodded as she plopped down on her bed, "My mom showed me how to use pads a while ago, even the ones with the wings."

 _Thank you, Michelle_ , Kensi thought, rolling her eyes heavenward. She sat next to Kamran. "How's the pain?"

The teen made a face, "The cramps are awful. Women actually go through this every month?"

"I brought you something that might help," she said soothingly. "One of the things that works for me when my cramps are really annoying is a heating pad." Kensi handed over the already warming cloth-covered device, which Kamran took and placed against her abdomen. "That one's good for sleeping with, since it shuts off automatically after two hours. I also got you some of the little one-time use heat wraps for when you're out and about." She stage-whispered, "They work best if you're wearing granny panties, as Deeks calls them." Kensi was gratified to hear the girl's giggle.

"Thanks, Kensi."

"You're welcome, sweetheart. I'm glad you contacted me."

"I was having cramps on and off all day, and I thought maybe my period was coming, but when I went into my parents' bathroom to get the pads Mom told me she kept there, they were gone. Dad probably threw them out. I guess he didn't realize they were there for me too. And I couldn't ask him to bring me to the store, because I didn't want to tell him why, and then I just got upset and cried for a long time. Before I could figure out how to tell him, the bleeding started, and I texted you."

"So your dad doesn't know yet?"

"No. My mom and I had a long talk a couple of years ago, and she told me all about periods, and pads, and tampons, and…other stuff, and I didn't even want him to know we talked about it, you know?"

"I get it. I've told you what a tomboy I was – I didn't even want my dad to think of me as a girl. So I was mortified that he would find out when I started getting my period. To this day I don't know when my mother told him, because he never treated me any differently. And guess what he confided in me a few years later, when it was just the two of us after my parents' divorce." Kensi's voice softened, "He said he'd been scared too, but he worried that as I became a woman I would outgrow him and wouldn't need him anymore."

"But he was your dad."

"Right? You and I both lucked out in the dad department, how could we not need them? Between you and me, Kam, I think this is going to be a little difficult for your father, because it means that you're growing up. And for both of you, it'll probably be yet another reminder of what your mom isn't here to help you with. So take it easy on him, okay? Don't shut him out of this too much." She gave the tween a few moments to consider her comments.

When Kamran looked to her again, Kensi lightened the mood a little. "Besides, after living with your mom as long as he did, I'm sure Sam Hanna knows all about women and their periods. In fact, he might be able to share some details about your mom's cycle that could be useful for you to know."

"Ew! Like what?"

"Like if there were any signs in the days before that it was coming. Or how bad her cramps were and what she did to relieve them. If she got particularly moody. That sort of thing."

"Does Deeks knows those things about you?"

"Yup. Sometimes he knows before I do that my period is about to start."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I don't pay attention to the calendar all that much, but he does. Even without that, I sometimes get sort of…snippy a few days before. Or snippier, he would probably say."

"What does he do?"

"He steers clear when he can," Kensi laughed. "He doesn't take it personally. He keeps an emergency stash of chocolate in his desk at work for when I go through mine too quickly."

Kensi didn't miss the gleam in Kamran's eyes at the mention of chocolate. "Speaking of," Kensi pulled a bag onto her lap and found another within it. "You said you loved Snickers, so I got you a small stockpile of minis."

Kam smiled gratefully while she opened the package of bite-sized candy bars. She took two for herself and offered them to Kensi. "Don't mind if I do, thanks," the agent said as she took a couple.

They munched quietly for a few minutes before Kamran said, "You should take the rest home. Mom and Dad don't really let us keep junk food in the house."

"I happen to know your mother had a strong desire for Kit Kat bars when she had her period. And I also know where she hid them so your father didn't come across them and throw them away."

"How'd you find that out?"

"It was my time of the month that Christmas we were here, and I was craving chocolate something fierce. Your mom was gracious enough to help me out. She told me it was one of the little 'secrets' she and your dad had. She pretended that she didn't keep junk food in the house and he pretended not to know it was around somewhere. I have a feeling your secret will be safe with him too."

"Where are they?"

"You know the small cabinet right above the microwave?"

"The one all the travel mugs are in?"

"That's it. All the way in the back is a coffee tin, and there's even a bunch of old coffee filters on top of it. She put her stash in there."

"You think there's still some there?" Kam's eyes widened in excitement.

"I wouldn't be surprised. Want to go take a look? Maybe we can tuck your Snickers away for the next time you need a fix." Kensi understood the tween's enthusiasm wasn't about the candy, but the prospect of finding something her mother left behind. A treat she probably would have shared with her daughter today had she been here.

Kamran reluctantly agreed. "Dad and Deeks are down there."

"You've got to see your father again sometime, Kam. But how about if I text Deeks and tell the men to make themselves scarce for a few minutes?"

The girl nodded eagerly and Kensi sent the message. "While we wait to hear back from him, why don't I show you what else I picked up during my little shopping spree?" Grabbing the packages from the floor, Kensi started tossing items at Kamran. "Let's see, we've got regular and heavy pads, both with wings, for teens and tweens. You're going to want to try one of those during the day tomorrow. Panty liners, which are good for the days before, like if you think your period is coming but you're not sure. Umm, some regular, non-teen pads without wings, so you can see what works better for you."

"Good news is I won't have to worry about buying supplies for a while," Kamran said lightly.

"Yeah…I didn't know what you'd need or want. And it's not like these things go bad. I also bought a box of tampons made for tweens and teens, which are thinner, and have plastic applicators." Kensi paused, a little uncomfortable again. "Did your mom show you how to use them?"

"Kind of. She took one out of the wrapper and showed me what to do with it, without, uh, actually doing it. But she said she'd talk me through it if I wanted to use them when the time came." The tears welled in Kamran's eyes.

"They're really great if you're going swimming during your period. You don't want to wear a pad into a pool if you can help it. I remember my mother told me it feels like wearing a full diaper."

Kamran smiled. "Mom said I might want to wait until I've gotten my period a few times before trying them."

"That's a good idea. Or you don't have to try them at all if you don't want to. Plenty of women don't use tampons. But if you decide you want to and the directions in the package aren't all that helpful, there are a ton of videos and guides online for that too." At the girl's surprised look Kensi assured her, "Don't worry, the ones I saw weren't graphic, but they got the point across. One important thing, if you do use a tampon make sure you don't leave the same one in for more than eight hours. It says that on the insert too, so you don't have to remember everything I'm telling you now."

Kam just nodded, seeming a little overwhelmed.

Kensi took a breath and debated mentioning another option. She figured the conversation was already awkward enough and decided to save the description of a menstrual cup for another time. Hell, maybe she'd just email Sam an article about it and let him share it with his daughter.

Finding the last of the purchases at the bottom of the bag, Kensi said, "Oh, I bought these but I don't want give them to you without your dad's permission: individual packets of Tylenol, Advil, and Midol. I'm sure he'll tell you this if he wants you to try them, but make sure you follow the instructions for how often you can take more; they're not all the same."

Kensi tucked the medication in her pocket and picked up her phone, having ignored the alert in the middle of her tampon tutorial. "Coast is clear, they'll hang out in the garage until we let them know it's safe to come out. Ready?"

Minutes later, Kensi had her hand on Kamran's back as the girl stood on a step-ladder and moved a half dozen plastic and stainless-steel travel mugs out of the way to reach the back of the cabinet. "Got it!" Climbing down, Kamran opened the canister. Her tears came as quickly as her smile when she discovered it half full of snack-sized Kit Kats. She placed the tin on the counter and was about to add in her own candy when she noticed something green poking up from the pile of red wrappers. Kamran gasped as she immediately recognized it as her mother's stationery. She had found many of these notes packed with her lunch over the years, usually with words of encouragement before an important test, try-out, or presentation. Her name was written on the front of the envelope in her mother's pretty script. She showed it to Kensi.

Tears filled the agent's eyes as well. "Looks like your mom planned on showing you her stash one day."

"What do I do? Should I read it now?"

Kensi thought a moment. She recalled when Granger handed over her father's sniper journal. Her first instinct had been to tear it open as soon as she got to her car in the mission's parking lot. She'd decided to drive to the beach first. Had the woods been closer or had it been earlier in the day, she would have gone there instead. But she hadn't wanted to wait until the next day, so she'd reasoned that any venue in nature would do, as long as she felt close to her dad there.

"You can if you want. But you've had a rough day today, and I think no matter what that says, it'll be very emotional for you. You might want to wait until you're feeling better. Maybe in the morning, read it someplace where you like to remember your mom. Just make sure your dad is home when you do, okay? You'll probably need him after."

Kamran stared at the unexpected message from her mother and ran her thumb over the letters of her own name. She took a slow breath and said, "I think I'll read it tomorrow." Kamran carefully laid the note on the counter, poured her own candy into the container, closed it, and returned it to the cabinet. Feet once more on the floor, she turned to Kensi and frowned. "I'm really tired. Do you think you could…"

"You want me to tell your dad you got your period?" When Kamran only nodded, Kensi assured her, "Of course. I'll also school him a little on what he needs to know about buying pads." Kensi smiled when Kamran did, "But the two of you are going to have to actually discuss this at some point, you know."

"We will, I promise. Probably tomorrow. Just not tonight. Oh, and can you tell him I really think I'm going to need to try some of those pills? I hate feeling like this."

"You got it. Do you mind if Deeks sits in too? I think your father might need a guy friend around to support him."

"I guess," she shrugged. "If anyone can help my dad see the humor in this, it's Deeks."

Kensi smiled, "Good point, he'll be happy you think so. Go ahead up to bed. Don't forget, you can sleep with the heating pad on if it helps at all."

Kamran wrapped her arms around Kensi's middle. "Thanks, Kensi. For everything, not just tonight."

Kensi hugged her back and kissed the top of her head. "You're welcome. Any time, Kamran."

The girl rested her hand on the envelope for a moment before picking it up and leaving the kitchen. Kensi took a few deep breaths to keep her own tears at bay. Less than a minute later she walked to the garage, where she was unsurprised to find Sam and Deeks cleaning the senior agent's guns again. Both men looked at her expectantly.

"What's going on, Kensi? How's Kamran?" Sam asked anxiously

"Let's go into the living room. You're going to want to be comfortable for this conversation, Sam. And I'm going to need a beer," she said with a smile.

* * *

Bright and early the next morning, Kamran sat on the porch swing on the back patio. It was one of the places where she felt closest to her mother. She used to lay with her head on her mom's lap after school, the woman's fingers lightly tickling her scalp, while they talked about their days. Kamran held the envelope for what seemed like a long time, and only opened it after she laid down and could imagine her mother there with her.

 _April 3, 2015_

 _My darling Kamran,_

 _Today we had The Talk. Believe it or not, I was probably more nervous than you were. But oh, so proud of you as well. You're such a smart, talented, funny, kind, beautiful (inside_ _and_ _out), and overall amazing girl, and it's my privilege to watch you continue to grow into the wonderful young woman I know you'll be soon. I'm writing this because I want us both to remember the discussion we shared today, what will be the first of many "Girl Talks" we'll have._

 _There are so many more conversations I look forward to having with you: your first period (when I'll show you where my not-so-secret candy is hidden and you'll probably read this note), your first crush, first boyfriend, first kiss (you'd better not kiss a boy before he's properly your boyfriend!), first love, first heartbreak._

 _I must be getting my period soon myself, because I'm getting all sentimental now. I plan to be there for all those talks, baby. But if something happens and I'm not physically able to be there with you, know that I'll be there in spirit because a piece of me is always with you. The best piece of me: my heart. (Remind me to tell you about how weepy I get with my period some months; damned fool McDonald's commercials can even set me off! I'm sure that's to blame for these tears right now.)_

 _Enough of the sappiness, time to tuck this note away where we'll find when we have our next big Girl Talk. And maybe I'll just sneak a Kit Kat out while I'm at it._

 _Love you forever and always, my baby girl._

 _Mom_


	5. Part V - Boys' Night Out

**Part V – Boys' Night Out**

 **AN** : This story really was supposed to be only four parts. It was meant to end with the Kensi and Kamran period talk. As I was writing that, however, Sam and Deeks wanted some time to commiserate after Kensi schooled them on pads, tampons, and other accoutrements of a woman's menstrual cycle. Unfortunately, that didn't seem to fit with the tone of Part IV, so it looks like they get a longer, more detailed night all to themselves. That's your warning, male (and squeamish) readers. It only gets more graphic from here (although if you read between your fingers, you just might learn something)!

* * *

"So how's the boat coming along?" Deeks asked as he set another round of drinks on the four-top in a back corner of a bar. He, Callen, and Beale had found themselves without their usual companions for the evening, and it hadn't been difficult to rope Sam into a boys' night out. "I tried to talk Kensi into living on a boat with me once," he recalled.

"I picture you more in Sam's last abode, Deeks: a trailer on the beach. You know, roll out of bed and straight into the surf," Eric said as he started picking at the label on his IPA.

"Your partner couldn't fit the contents of her desk and locker into Sam's boat, Deeks. Or a trailer, for that matter. Keep dreaming." Callen observed after a pull from his beer.

"Maybe you can convince Kensi to stay on a boat and go sailing for your honeymoon," Sam suggested, sliding his rocks glass across the table and glancing at the amber liquid for a moment before deciding against a sip just now.

"Now there is an idea, Sam-Dog. Which I will be sure to share with my beloved when I get home."

The former SEAL looked uncomfortable. "Don't do me any favors. If she doesn't like it she might send me another article about menstrual cups as payback."

"I'm sorry, did you just say 'menstrual _cups_?' What the hell is a menstrual cup?" Callen asked. "And _another_ article? Meaning she already sent you one?"

Sam nodded ruefully.

"Do I want to know?" Before Sam could respond, Callen corrected himself, "No, you know what, I don't. Forget I asked. And I'll try to forget you actually said the words menstrual cup."

"Not to pick nits, Callen, but you just said it like, three times. And I'm pretty sure that's the first time Sam's ever actually uttered the term," Deeks said.

"Obviously I'm missing something, so who's going to tell me?" Callen asked.

After a long pause during which Sam and Deeks simply stared into their drinks, Eric said, "It's a bell-shaped cup made of silicone that a woman inserts into her-"

"Not what I meant, Beale," Callen cut him off.

Deeks and Sam exchanged looks, each wordlessly demanding the other explain.

Sam muttered, "Kensi's your fiancée."

"And she was helping your daughter," Deeks countered easily.

"She's also your partner. Which means you're the best person to speak for her."

Deeks couldn't come up with another argument, so he ran his hand through his hair quickly before blowing out a huff of breath. He took another swig of beer and said with a grin, "They're also more environmentally friendly. Kensi's a big fan of hers when we're working and, you know, she's in her lady phase. She hates the telltale outline of tampons in her pocket, especially in the field."

"TMI, man," Callen lamented.

Deeks shrugged, unashamed. "You asked."

"Sam?" Callen turned to his partner for help.

"Kam got her first period a few weeks before she left for Stockdale. Kensi came and brought supplies, talked over some things with her. It was a big help, to both Kamran and me," Sam explained.

"Aww, that's so sweet," Eric said.

"And one of the supplies was a menstrual cup?" Callen was still having some difficulty wrapping his head around the concept.

"Nah, that's like AP level menstrual equipment, apparently," Deeks said, shaking his head and downing the remaining contents one beer before picking up the fresh one. "Right up there next to tampons without applicators, no pun intended."

"Ooh, 'right up there,'" Eric shook his head as he watched Sam grimace.

At Callen's look, which reflected the understanding that he still hadn't gotten the whole story, the detective added, "After her time with Kam, Kensi sat me and Sam down and gave us the full tutorial. For future reference."

"I don't know about you, Deeks, but I could have lived the rest of my life without some of that information," Sam admitted.

"How do you guys not know this stuff already? I mean, Sam, was married for a long time and Deeks has been living with Kensi for more than a year," Callen observed.

"G, I knew what color box of tampons to pick up for Michelle when she asked, and that was more than enough. I never had to pay attention to things like flow, absorbency, and which ones had wings. Michelle knew all that stuff already when we met."

"Wings?" Callen said.

"Those are on pads, not tampons, Sam. They're the little extra sticky pieces that help keep them in place," Deeks reminded him.

"Right," Sam muttered humorlessly. "And flow and absorbency only matter for tampons."

"Not exactly," Eric jumped in. "Both tampons and pads come in different levels of absorbency, and the trick is to match that to how light or heavy the flow is expected to be on any given day. It can be anywhere from uncomfortable to downright messy if you don't pick the right amount of absorbency. But it _is_ particularly important not to use a tampon that's too absorbent, or keep any tampon in for too long, since that can act as a breeding ground for Staph bacteria and may heighten the risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome."

"This conversation's heading from uncomfortable to downright messy," Callen said.

"How do you know this, Beale? You have something you want to share with the class?" Deeks asked.

"My high school madrigal choir and college a capella group were mostly girls…uh, women. This was not an unusual conversation to have to listen to, especially when several of their periods were in sync."

Deeks gave an exaggerated shudder. "So what's your opinion on plastic versus cardboard applicators?"

"No! No, no, no," Sam cut in. "Men shouldn't have opinions on sanitary napkins and what their applicators are made of."

Deeks laughed. "What are you, Great Grandpa Hanna? You can call them pads. And they don't use applicators, tampons do. You've got to get this straight, brother. See, the tampon looks like this," Deeks started to roll his cocktail napkin into a tube shape. "Beale, you make yours into a pad," he encouraged.

Callen snatched the paper away from the technical operator before he could comply. "We don't need a demonstration, thanks."

"You sure? I bet we can ask any of the nice ladies at that table over there to get us one of each from the dispenser in the women's rest room," Deeks was starting to enjoy the senior agents' discomfort. "Or take Kensi up on her offer to show us up close and in person."

"Ew," Callen said, clearly disturbed.

"Not like _that,_ " Deeks said. "That night, she was going to get a couple of pads and tampons from Kam's stockpile for us to get a better idea of what she was talking about. But we declined," the detective tilted his head toward the bigger man, indicating it was really Sam who rejected the suggestion.

Sam, however, was not enjoying himself. "No, this is my little girl we're talking about."

"Little woman is more like it. She's growing up!" Eric's happiness was so sincere it was hard for Sam to be annoyed at him.

"How'd the other thing work out? Did Kam find something that helped?" Deeks asked seriously, attempting to change the subject slightly.

"Which other thing?"

"The cramps," he whispered.

Sam gave a small smile, "We went to the drug store the next day and compared ingredients on all the multi-symptom, maximum strength PMS and menstrual pain relief meds we could find. She texted me last week to tell me that after three cycles, Pamprin works the best, but even that's not enough. Luckily, a heating pad usually takes care of the rest."

"That makes sense," Eric nodded. "Dysmenorrhea is the result of prolonged contractions that help the body shed and expel the uterine lining. Medical research has yet to fully explain it, but the common theory is that heat therapy helps alleviate the pain because it relaxes the muscles of the uterus and increases blood flow."

The men turned to look at their colleague. "Please don't tell us this is what you and Nell discuss when you're alone in your bat cave and off coms," Callen said.

"One of my best friends from the Chorallaries, proud to be MIT's loudest coed a capella group by the way, became an OB-GYN. She comes out here for an annual professional conference and we keep in touch," Eric defended himself.

"Lucky Nell," Callen muttered.

"Anyway Sam, I'm glad to hear Kam's adjusting," Deeks said. "You know, one benefit in the timing of all this was that you didn't have to live with 'Crampy Kamran' for very long. When Kensi's are really bad she's like a totally different person. In my head I named her Krampsi. The moaning, the whining, the grumping around the house; even Monty hides from her. Those single-use heat wraps she uses are supposed to work for up to eight hours, but I can tell the moment we cross over into hour six. Her head may as well spin a complete three-sixty. Heaven help us if we're on a stakeout. Good thing we keep them, and chocolate, stashed pretty much everywhere."

"Yeah, Kam said those heat wraps were a lifesaver after she got to school. I had an entire case of them sent up to her a couple of weeks ago. I'm surprised Kensi didn't tell you; I know Kam told her."

Deeks shook his head, "Kensi doesn't share the specifics of that aspect of Kamran's life with me."

"I'm sure she'll appreciate knowing how you've shared the gory details of hers with us," Callen said.

The detective's eyes grew wide in panic, "You can't tell her I said anything, especially not this week! She'll strangle me with the cord of her heating pad while I sleep. Or stuff my mouth full of non-applicator tampons, tape it shut with a panty liner, and then sit back and watch me slowly suffocate as she eats peanut butter cups."

"I'm guessing it's Kensi's time of the month right now? Or should I say her Aunt Flo is in town, make you guys more comfortable?" Eric asked with a grin.

"You know, Deeks, I'm not sure I've ever really noticed an appreciable difference in Kensi when she must have her period. I mean, I've guessed at times, but probably only because I'm a trained observer."

"Good. Let's keep it that way, yeah? Kens tries really hard to make sure you guys don't see her as weaker because she's a woman when she's all crampy and cranky."

"She won't hear it from me, Deeks," Sam assured him. "And hopefully all of that gets better once you have a kid."

"That happens?" Deeks perked up.

"It did for Michelle. Your description of Kensalino reminded me of the early days of our marriage, but the worst of it disappeared after she had Aiden."

Deeks looked at Eric. "Is that true? Does this hell stop after women give birth?"

Eric frowned, "Not necessarily. For some women it gets better, for some it gets worse, and for some there's no change. And there's no way to know in advance which might happen. Sorry."

"I can't imagine it being any worse some months, so let's just keep this little gem from Kensi too, okay? We're finally on the same page about having little mutant assassins one day."

"Ah, so that's why Kensi wanted you to know about this stuff too," Callen said.

"I did say 'for future reference,'" Deeks acknowledged. "You know, so I'm prepared for when Princess Sunshine Deeks and Mama Sugar Bear Blye-Deeks start fighting over the last piece of candy in the house."

Callen snorted, "Now there's an image. A bit of advice, Daddy Deeks? Run the other way."

"Come on, Kensi eats junk food all month long. That's just an excuse for her to eat more," Sam said.

"Actually, those cravings may be real," Eric said. "And probably the result of lower progesterone and estrogen levels causing a drop in blood sugar. Combine that with less serotonin and the fact that the body uses sugars and carbs to make that feel-good hormone, and bang, you have the perfect storm for craving sweets during the peri-menstrual and menstrual phases. Of course, there have been other findings that suggest the craving of sweets and fats is a learned behavior with chocolate as a reward or indulgence for the additional stress menses puts on their bodies and emotions. But you won't hear me telling Kensi that. Or Nell, for that matter."

"You can get those same results by eating more protein and complex carbohydrates," Sam said. "And I plan to share that with Kam next time she's home. You should let Kensi and Nell know," he encouraged Deeks and Eric.

"Yeah, no. Because I value my life," Deeks said. He tipped his bottle toward Eric in a toast of solidarity.

"You guys are whipped," Callen said.

"No, we just possess an appropriate amount of respect for the women in our lives who are strong and smart enough to kill us and hide our bodies without leaving any evidence," Deeks countered. "And considering Anna fits neatly into those categories too, I hope you were paying attention tonight, Callen."

"Anna doesn't have these problems," Callen said smugly.

"Oh, ho, ho, my friend, just wait until you start living together, or spending multiple consecutive days and nights with each other," Deeks chuckled. You will be amazed at the 'issues' you will suddenly find yourself dealing with on a daily basis. The least of them, if you're lucky, is having to run to the store in the middle of the night to pick up pads or tampons."

"The man speaks the truth, G. Just make sure you get the right absorbency," Sam winked.

"Yeah, well," Callen polished off his beer. "Partner, you have my permission to shoot me if I'm ever actively involved with a conversation like this in the future. Besides, now that Anna's about to start with ATF, any possibility of cohabitation is off the table, so I won't be needing guidance in this particular area from Beale and you other ladies."

"Uh huh," Deeks wasn't buying it. "You could have left at any time, you know."

"Speaking of, why aren't you with Anna tonight?" Sam asked.

Callen shrugged. "She wanted to study tonight, refresh her memory of physics and chemistry before her ATF training begins."

Eric and Deeks exchanged a look and broke into laughter.

"What?" Callen asked.

"Our lady birds stayed late at the mission tonight because Kensi's been teaching Nell Krav Maga," Deeks explained. "You know, so they can kick our asses even better. While Anna's brushing up on science that may help her dispose of evidence."

"And here we sit comparing notes about menses," Eric pointed out.

Sam held back a snort and lifted his drink. Thinking of Michelle and Kamran as well as Kensi, Nell, and Anna, he said, "To the mighty women who've blessed our lives."

"Hear! Hear!" everyone agreed.

* * *

 **AN2** : Thanks to Phnxgirl for helping me find a work-around for Eric being the one who knows all about menstrual cycles and other "female" matters. I originally wrote him as having four sisters, one of whom was a gynecologist. Because, you know, we knew basically nothing about Eric's family until Mountebank (9x05), when he announced that he had no sisters. Thanks for nothing, PTB!


End file.
